Tell Me More

It is as important for readers to understand who is speaking as it is for the dialogue between characters to be believable. 

We humans don't speak properly. We use slang and don't follow the rules of speech most of the time. Sentences may seem incomplete to a word processor's spell and grammar check, but to us, they're completely understandably. When you're writing dialogue you want it to be believable to readers. If it's stiff and formal readers won't buy into it and they won't want to read it. The characters may end up being flat and boring to them. 

The following is a conversation in a novel that I've written (ok, partially written that is sitting unfinished somewhere in my files) Lia's brother, Marcello, is the head of an organized crime family. He's guilted her into remaining at his side and working for him. Now he feels she's obsolete, but she knows too much about his operations to let her walk away. Jerome is her bodyguard and he is determined to keep her alive, even if her brother now wants her dead. They have run from her brother and Jerome is planning on taking her someplace to hide. They're in the car driving to the location when this conversation takes place. 

Lia glanced sidelong at Jerome. "What was it like?"

He frowned at her. "What was what like?"

"Being a member of the police force," she replied.

He grinned. "Ah, checking up on me?"

Though she couldn't see him in the darkness, she was certain his green eyes were dancing with humor. Rome, despite his line of work, tended toward humor. She shook her head, and her hair brushed over her shoulders as she did, she wished she'd taken the time to pull it up. It was annoying her and she wanted it out of her face. She grabbed it and dragged it back with a sigh. "No, I'm not. My brother did the checking before he considered hiring you. He wanted to be certain that he wasn't hiring an undercover cop or something. He was a bit nervous when he discovered that you had been on the force."

"Obviously he got past that or I wouldn't be here." 

"He spoke with some of the cops he has on his payroll and they confirmed the details his people dug up." She turned red when she noticed he was grinning at her, while he kept one eye on the dark road ahead of them. "Okay, so I may have taken a little peek at his report on you." 

He chuckled and focused on the road. "In answer to your question, I like being a cop. What I didn't like were the rules that restricted our actions. I made decisions and those decisions got me booted from the force but I stand by those actions." 

"And you decided that a life of crime suited you better," she answered with a little laugh.

"Not at all. What I decided was that I have skills I can share. Skills that many will pay for. I've had clients on both sides of the law." 

"You have?" she asked with a note of shock in her voice.

"Yup, I have. I was a bodyguard for Senator Lee Brandon for a bit during the last election. I'm sure if you Google him you'll find some images of me along with him."

"I didn't realize that. I assumed that because you were working for my brother ..."

"That I'm a thug with no morals," he finished for her.

She turned red again. "Yes, I'm sorry. It was a logical assumption. My brother is a criminal."

"I hired on with your brother because he pays well. I'm not one of his hired guns and I'm not aiming to be a hitman. I'm here to guard you and keep you safe and alive."

That was exactly what he'd done for the past nearly three years. He'd kept her alive through two attempts on her life over the past six months and even now he was risking it all to keep her safe. Her brother wasn't going to be pleased when he discovered they'd escaped his grasp. 

"He'll kill us if he gets his hands on us," she told him quietly.

"Then let's make fucking certain it doesn't come to that end."

She nodded and tried to ignore the hard edge in his voice. Rome might be a bodyguard with some morals and a distaste for killing, but she had the feeling he'd shoot her brother without a second thought. Whether Marcello was a direct threat or not. 

The conversation is relaxed and easy between the two. It isn't formal. You'll find that some spell/grammar checks will want you to avoid contractions, Word is famous for it. But let's be honest, no one talks like that. People tend to be informal in their conversations, especially with people they're comfortable with. 

You wouldn't see me have Rome say, "Then let us make certain that it does not come to that end." Why would I not have him speak that way? Because it's extremely formal sounding and it takes away from the threat behind his words. It sounds much more pleasant and polite and you lose the hard force of his words and the threat to her brother if it does end in a confrontation. 

This is a part of making things believable. If the words don't match the intent it becomes confusing for a reader. Make certain what you're characters are saying matches their intent and their personality.